The family “unit” is a major component of human development and interactions between members of the family influence how individuals relate to themselves and the world. But how can we identify what positive interactions look like?
There are Six Basic Characteristics of a Healthy Functioning Family and/or Positive Family Interactions.
1) Recognizing each family member as an autonomous but interdependent individual who can hold their own opinion. In addition, they should also be allowed to express those opinions in a respectful manner.
2) Every member in the family, including children, are entitled to privacy and healthy boundaries. Furthermore, parents are responsible for responding to healthy boundaries, using empathy, understanding, self-control, love, etc.
3) Ensuring that all members of the family feel secure and safe. When children feel safe with their family members, they also feel comfortable in learning new things and making mistakes, as they are aware that their mistakes would not impact their bond with their family members.
4) Delivering on each other’s needs based on an age appropriate assessment of one’s needs. For instance, parents are responsible for providing the emotional support to their children.
5) Establishing rules in the family. These rules must be fair, consistent and age appropriate. For example, not having any devices at the dinner table. This rule would apply for both adults and children.
6) Accepting that mistakes happen. We are all humans, and processing mistakes in a healthy manner is crucial. For example, it is important for parents to manage conflict and/or mistakes in a safe and respectful way by encouraging active reflection and growth. Forgiving a mistake instead of humiliating the other family member is also preferred. Therefore, with modeling forgiveness, children will recognize that they won’t be held responsible for their mistakes for years.
Let’s Also Look at Parent’s Positive Interpersonal Behaviours which Include:
1) Responsiveness to distress: validating and attending to children’s negative affect and assisting them to solve their problems.
2) Responsiveness to warmth: providing affection and expressions of positive affect.
How Do We Connect the Information Above to the Teachings from the Qurʾān and the Ahlul Bayt?
Taking care of the emotional needs of the children in a uniform manner is so important that Amīrul Muʾminīn (ʿa) quoted that he was with Prophet Muḥammad (ṣ) when a person with two children came to meet him, he kissed one of them and abandoned the other, when the Prophet (ṣ) witnessed his behavior, he remarked. “Shouldn’t you treat both of them justly as if you have kissed one, you should also kiss the other one too”. (Reported by Majlisi in Bihar al Anwar, Vol 71, p 84). Therefore, this implies how important it is for us to be involved with our children emotionally by manifesting our love to them so they can feel secure. However, this should be done in an equitable way with all children.
